Juju, I've heard you talk about your BF mch like this multiple times before. But I've rarely heard you say positive things. Now I'm not saying everything has been negative. What I mean is the positives have only come after and perhaps to balance the negatives. I've never heard you say how he did something that made you feel really good. Ive never heard you say you love him. I read Gingers posts and it's clear she adores M. At best you seem to tolerate your guy. I can't say why. In my short list is are you really into him? It almost seems like you're not that into him - as the book title goes. And perhaps he's just not the guy for you.
OTOH what are you bringing to the R? It almost seems like you are expecting him to do most of the heavy lifting. You want him to dote on you and put in all of this effort. But should you not be doing the same? An R should be 50/50 if not 100/100. Even the things he is doing he's not doing "right" or at least well - not good enough.
Does some of this relate back to your ex? I seem to remember you saying how you put huge effort into your exH. Are you afraid to do that again? I can tell you that for me it gets really hard to do nice things for someone if it's not reciprocated or not appreciated. Couid he be getting sick of trying since he's not getting anywhere anyhow? I know I would. A woman doing something nice for me really makes me want to return that. If it's appreciated by her I also want to do more. But if it's getting to be expected or it's not appreciated or worse yet put down, I'm like why bother. And I know you're perhaps not saying anything to put his efforts down but ll bet he can sense it.
Why are you staying with him? What is he doing that you really love? Is there anything? It really seems like either this R has ran its course or you were just never that into him to begin with. Either of those are okay. They don't make you a bad person. It's just dating and an R that's not for the long term. Do you look forward to seeing him? Are you excited to see him? Do you light up when you see him? Do you think about him when you don't see him? If you answer most of these with no, perhaps you need to talk with him about this. Does he know you're not happy? Does he think you are?
That's a lot of questions - meant to hopefully get you to think. It seems like you've gotten kind of blah about your R with him. But is that due to him or to you? I'm betting it's a little of both.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
