If I'm honest, I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with him at all right now. With him at his parents house it's so easy not to think about him in a romantic way...and with the finances starting to get square, my daily routines keeping me stable and productive, and incredibly civil interactions with H...I'm afraid to rock the boat with dramatic declarations right now.
Some days it's almost like the extramarital affairs aren't even happening. We are both turning a total blind eye to the problem and talking like the separation doesn't even exist in that moment. I know this isn't healthy but I only realize how blindly I'm having these interactions after they're over, so I thought I needed to do something more significant to show how serious I was...again. ::face palm::
I had it in my head yesterday that I would confront him...if he couldn't bring himself to stop the extramarital affairs (which are clearly obvious in black and white) then I would be filing for a divorce...then I reduced it to a legal separation when I thought about the cost of divorce...and when I thought about discussing visitation and how formal all the arrangements would be and what a disruption it would be to the groove we've finally gotten into, I choked. I have gotten used to him not living at the house and living as "pals" but it's not how I envision my future. How long do I hang out in limbo, and would it be considered using him for his money if I lie in wait for my savings to build but keep the peace the way things are? How forward should I be in addressing this right now?
