MLC and WAS

[Hurt213]

Kwan,

Let me start off by saying, that I am rooting for you, as I am for anyone one the board, and I do not want to come off as an ass, so do not mind the tone, its really ment as positive feedback, even though everyone going through what you are right now, most of all need a giant hug - so take it was a hug in disguise my friend.

So lets get down to it.

1. Do you want to get separated?

I mean, if not, then there is absolutely no reason for you to sit down and discuss anything with her in relation to her moving out etc. I am going to keep this very simple - so here is a metaphor: You my friend, got dragged to the circus, you'd didn't buy a ticket, you hate the circus, but here you are - its not your fault, but you are definitely not going to be the one who pays for the popcorn............... Split you financials asap, down to the last cent. become financial independant, your WW can't be trusted, and it can ruin your financial stability for years to come if you dont take care of yourself. You do not need to sit down and talk with her in order to make that call.

2. I see so much of my old self in your questions, and this in particular "She'll probably temp check me to see if I', actually detached - Should I ask what her goals are for the seperation? Should I ask if she's made up her mind about ending the marriage or if she's still figuring that out?"

I am again not trying to bash on you, but sorry, you aren't detached if thats your questions my friend. You want to be, I wanted to be, everyone one this board wants to get to that point, but dude, I was told its a marathon, its not, its unfortunately so much longer before you get to that point. But when you do, you realize, that you dont care about her tempt checks, because, you won't be reading into them as you are currently. You realize that you dont care about her goals for the seperation, because you are living your life, happy, proud and with a new drive for a better life with or without her, so you let her do the lifting, and you let her present her dirty work, and you dont get in the way, but you sure as hell do not sit down for tea and biscuits while you help her out. You do not ask about her marriage thoughts because frankly, it doesnt matter to you at this point. She will see any conversation about these pointers as nothing but pursuit. You have let go, and the only thing that will change that, is if she honestly comes crawling back, and shows you how sorry she is, and trust me, you won't have to mindread into that, because you will know. The problem is, that by that time, if you ARE detached, you most likely do not want that woman back in your life, sorry to break it.

3. To sum it up my friend: Here is what I want you to do.

I want you to realize your potential, and that is, that you are worth a woman that will wake up every morning, looking into your eyes, smiling, giving you a kiss and a hug. A woman that with the look in her eyes, shows you how much she loves you. We all deserve this, and this goes both ways - Right now, this woman is out there, waiting to meet you, it might very well be, that it is your wife down the line, but who knows. I do know, that right now, you are victimizing yourself, and you won't have chance of meeting this woman before you take a turn for the better. Get up, find yourself, be a confident person, what makes you happy? do it, what makes you sad? stop using your energy on it. Stop mind reading, stop helping your WW out, she can do the lifting, but you, you need to throw down the barbell. Dont engage in conversation, just listen, figure out what you want in life, figure out what you need to work on to better yourself. Analyze your relationship. She is the one with 2 feet out the door, but the blame is never only on the WW, so what did you do to help carve the path to this situation? Reflect on this, and make sure you dont bring it in to your next relationship.