You opened up your marriage to another person at his insistence. Given the recent affair, this seems like enabling behavior. Why did you go along with your H on this? What is your H doing to battle his addiction? What are you doing to become stronger?
I felt like if he was engaging in this behavior and I was around, at least I would have some control over the situation, and maybe it would be enough to satisfy him so that our day to day interactions could be more wholesome. I realize that it really is enabling behavior and I'm not sure how to stop it as I make a lot of delusional statements like that and I'm hoping you're right about the total life 180. He was seeing a therapist but stopped going when they told him that his life decisions were going to be hard, but he was the only one who could make them. I suppose he didn't know what to do with that information.
As for strength and lifestyle improvement on myself, I have recently begun: -attacking our debt to gain some financial stability -creating a better daily routine with my daughter -making meal plans, grocery budgeting, and cooking more for myself (it's much cheaper and varied now that he isn't in the house!) -spending time on the phone and out with my friends
I am feeling more confident. I also moved his things out of our MBR after I saw on our phone bill he was still talking with other women and not making any significant efforts toward moving back home.
Originally Posted by overrnbw
You need to stay firm on your boundaries and not allow your H into your life for the parts he wants but not for the parts he doesn't. Your H needs so much help it is almost unbelievable. And his parents taking him in?
Yes, his mom is afraid if she doesn't give him a place to stay, he will go and stay with another woman and she would feel responsible. She has dealt with the same behavior from his father so she feels by NOT letting him stay she's enabling him
Originally Posted by overrnbw
Why do you feel like you owe it to him to let him check in on you? ... Do not lose touch with reality over the emotions that are keeping you tied to your H!!!
This is a hard one for me because I think I'm still seeing his behavior through the lens of what I desire AND I find it hard to balance NC with his visitation with our daughter. I want him to check up on me and be interested and spend time with D, so when he does it, I almost fold like a house of cards...only realizing later that it was in response to my distance. :face palm: Anytime things feel too good to be true, I check our phone record and feel incredibly disappointed. I have been confiding in my girlfriend lately and she'll always ask "but what has he actually DONE" and that has been snapping me back into perspective. It's hard to keep myself in check right now.
