Brave Little Gerda Faces the Cutting Winds

[job]

Gerda,

Your h's upbringing may have had a lot to do w/his way of thinking that men/boys do not give each other something on Valentine's Day. I personally think that a lot of the stuff going on w/your h is what he may have endured as a child. Have you ever considered that he may jealous of the relationship that you have w/your son? Some of the MLCers do get very jealous/envious over the attention that their spouse gives to the children. It's hard to believe that they would react that way, but they do. They also tend to select one child over others to be friends w/because that child will not question anything that they say.

Gerda, to your h, you are an authority figure. He looks at you as his parent. He sees you are controlling and he most likely feels like he cannot do anything right, i.e., he shuts down when you point out the things he does wrong. He sees that as complaining and making him feel less of a man, but more as a child. In his own way, he wants respect and to be treated as an equal, he wants affirmation/acknowledgement when he does something right. These are the things that he sees and hears from you, i.e., even if you are speaking to him in an even tone. Their perception of right or wrong is from off...but in his world, he feels that he can never please you.

I'm not saying that you do the things I have mentioned, but take a step back and think about the interactions that you've had w/him over the past several months. Things have escalated. You and your children are stressed, your son is angry and acting out a bit because he wants his father's attention and he feels and sees how you are reacting to your h's crazy making. Have you read the detachment thread? If not, now would be a good time to do so.

Sometimes, we have to do something different in order to get a different result. Doing the same things over and over again and getting the same results is crazy making. Just my two cents.