Ovrrnbw, I completely agree. If I try any online dating in the future I'll do as you suggest. As for the party, I guess I'll let him come but he's so unreliable that he might not even come.

Bo, it's good to know sites like that exist! There's no way you could have known what would happen with your wife. You did your best to screen out those who weren't a good match and you and your wife found one another. Seems it was meant to be even if it's not turning out as planned.

DejaVu, that's funny about you and your husband. It turns out you were right about the suggestion to meet as friends. I asked him today what he meant, because he said it again, and he said so that I feel comfortable and don't feel that he expects anything from me.

Davide, turns out you were right! I decided to just ask him. He said there's a big difference when you meet in person compared to communicating online but he's hoping we'll be more than friends. The soonest we can meet is April because there's 4,000 miles between us, but that's fine. We'll see what happens.

AnotherStander, as mentioned above, I decided not to block him but I just asked him how feels and to clarify what he means. I think in the future I'll do that with everyone who I can't meet in person right away if i's not clear whether they're shy, playing games, trying to be cautious, are seeing other people, etc.. It's better to ask and see what they say. If their response is not convincing then it's clear there's no need to talk further. Have you tried that approach? If so, did it work?


Jim, I've been thinking about your suggestion. That's what I feel like doing, but he's also paying for the party and our daughter says she wants him there so I guess I'll try to make Christmas and birthdays an exception for as much as I can tolerate it for her sake. If things become more contentious before the party I'll ask him not to come though. Your advice to not build up expectations is good. I'm going to meet this guy in person but I'm busy in the meantime and I'll just wait and see how it goes. If we don't like each other there's no harm done. At minimum we supported one another through this difficult time just like all us here have been doing.

I hope to respond to all of your threads over the weekend!