Earlier this week, I emailed my L about what my W has basically threatened to do—that if I don’t agree to her parenting plan (or at least come up with a credible or agreeable [at least to W] alternative that is anything but ‘Bo stays here and W leaves the condo to get her own place and visits the kids’), she has threatened to take her kids and get another place, and then I’ll be stuck by myself. What I do realize is that her previous threat of a court order to evict me has not been mentioned in some time, so perhaps she is backing down from that, or realizes it’s not a serious option, or both.
My question is: What kind of proposal should I go for?
Bo your W seems keen on making threats to try and get what she wants. If my W threatened to have me "evicted" from my own house, I would probably actually chuckle or smirk a little and look at her as if to say "Really? Not happening". I might calmly say "Don't threaten me." I would do this from a position of confidence because I already know my rights from having consulted with my L.
The threat to take the kids, in my view, is a serious escalation even though it is probably nothing more than a threat. If my W threw this BS at me, I would document it in an email or text that clearly re-states the threat and like AS says advise her I will take immediate legal action if she tries to pull that BS move.
I have a good buddy who went through D a few years back, and he is a no-BS kind of guy, even more so than me. His W threw out the same threats about taking the kids and he immediately pulled the trigger on his L going and getting some type of emergency custody order based on her threat. I am pretty sure it happened lightening fast. His W was shell-shocked and I think that was the end of her making threats, LOL. This might be overkill in your sitch and I'm not saying do it, I'm just saying.
It sounds like you don't want to move out and don't want to bird-nest, so I wouldn't agree to either. Absent some bad extenuating circumstances you are probably entitled to 50/50 custody (hopefully your L has weighed in on this already) so agree to nothing less. Get what you want out of a bad sitch. Once I met with my L (very early after BD) and ran through all the scenarios that might occur and learned my rights and what a judge would probably do, I was ready for anything W would throw at me. The result is that despite being a soon-to-be LBS, I am negotiating from a position of strength. W cannot get me out of the house before D is final. She can't even get me out of the MBR. I am almost certainly going to get 50/50 custody. She is going to have to get her parents to write me a huge check to buy me out of the house and furniture when the end comes. All of this makes me feel good in the midst of a bad sitch.
If your W wants to S or D, you can't stop her, but you can control the some of the terms based on your legal rights. Her desires do not transcend your rights. Right now it seems like your immediate issues at hand can be summed up in two sentences - "I am not moving out. Nothing less than 50/50 custody is acceptable."
Keep soaking up the vets' input here, they are AMAZING. Hang in there buddy.
