Into the Fire (LB55 thread 2)

[LB55]

All it's likely to do is build up more resentment, but capitulating will not earn you any points with her either. I think no matter what you do she'll find a reason to hate you for it. That's just her mindset right now. She is the epitome of a wayward, and that is so much more difficult than a WAW.

Yes it certainly could. She hates me and is angry with my anyway. She resents me and everything I have done and stood for over the years. Whats a little more? Risk vs reward. I risk a bit more crap in exchange for some potential for reasonable serious negotiations moving forward.

I wish I could get rid of the little birdie in her ear, the D mom that is with her almost daily. She is the toxic driver of this, providing her books on how to divorce narcissists, how to negotiate to kill, etc. She has 5 lawyers on retainer at all times, sues people regularly, lives in a waterfront house and vacations in Hawaii 4 times a year. Owns a small business that someone else manages for her. Sits at home all day and is available at any time to help commiserate. She is miserable, can't find a relationship even though she is attractive, and has admitted to being afraid of growing old with nobody. She is the real enabler here, always encouraging to 'do what you feel' 'make yourself happy' 'don't worry about what others think' 'you aren't the problem, everyone else is' and other stuff like that. If she would disappear my W would lose a lot of her fight fairly quickly.

Yeah it's beyond terrible. I just can't imagine what happens to someone to make them do this to someone they formerly loved, it's just bizarre. Like some switch is flipped from "angel" to "devil child spawn of Satan".

I can't imagine it either. I have tried desperately to understand, to read and to learn, to help her understand, to learn and grow and help each other. It has all blown up in my face and I am just in a defensive posture right now. If she slows down her bulldozer mentality and stops hitting below the belt I will relax a whole lot and this whole situation will become more tenable for both of us.