Dating after Divorce

[rexgm]

I can honestly say that I'm MUCH more freespirited than I was when I was younger. And actually much more accepting of men in all their varieties and permutations. I also have a lot more confidence, DGAF what others think of me, and make much better conversation. The times I dated much younger men (they sought me out, I wasn't looking) they all complained that women their age were high maintenance, needy and superficial. Now, that's an ASSumption as well, but my point is, you may be looking in the wrong places if you're looking for free spirits.

You have a point here, but also the body type that I am attracted to is more prevalent with younger women than older ones. Now I am 43 and there are some older woman I do find myself attracted to, but they are not usually single. And the women that I would of been attracted to when they were younger now have let themselves go, and why should I try to force my attraction to someone who is no longer in their prime, and so they know this and have figured out they can no longer date the hot guy they used to and have opened up their options. Why should I now accept that I would be their plan B? "waiting for the blowback on this one lol"

rex - I've not followed your story at all so I can honestly say that I don't know you from Adam but you remind me of a story that I've posted before. My barber - who I've known for 30 years - once told me that if he was to go "a-wandering" that he would target married women because they could be interested in non-commitment sex. Your postings remind me of that.

I have been hit on by married women and it honestly is a big turn off. Why would i knowingly put a guy through something that I went through myself? I also shy away from dating people with kids. Not all women are like this, but I honestly dont want to be a father figure to someone else's child. Also it is very difficult to sync up schedules between when I have my daughter and when they would have their kids.

Andrew,

I am not sure if it is a generational thing or just how someone structures their values. I am 37 and I would be in a similar boat to you. I could not imagine sex with a woman unless we were exclusive and we were committed. I was always raised with relationships being developed on love first sex later. Maybe that makes me old fashioned too. It does concern me that those values will be a hurdle for women in my dating age range.

Yeah this would definately be a hurdle with me. Sex and love are different in my book. Maybe its because i am a libra, maybe not, but I think of sex as more fun, exercise and experimentation between two people. Not necessarily an emotional attachment. If a woman told me that she wanted to wait to have sex until after a committed relationship, I would say thats nice, but let me ask you this. What if I told you I was unemployed and didnt plan on working until I was in a committed relationship. ( its a good example from a book i read) Would you still want to date me also?

After you have been at it for a while you can usually tell by how fast they are moving. Yes....some girls will be turned off but the quality ones will go slower which will be more aligned with your values.

really depends on their attraction level to the guy. Even quality women would move fast with someone like Brad Pitt or any other heartthrob that checks off their boxes.

That brings up a good point where quite often I see online "have no time to play games". What does that actually mean?

that they are aware and play the game themselves. I have said this before, women play the game much better than men ever will. They have been doing it their whole life, whether consciously or subconsciously. I noticed this with my daughter when she was 4. She got mad at my friends son who is also 4. I dont remember what was done, but she walked up to him and told him that she was fighting with him and mad at him. She then walked off. He went up to her and asked whats wrong, like a caring person would, and she responded we are fighting. He look around and said we are not fighting I didnt hit you and you are not hitting me. She once again responded we are fighting. He then began to cry because he didnt understand and was hurt. So crying he walked up to me and told me what was happening and said I am not hitting her but she says we are fighting. He looked really lost and confused. I felt really bad for him, and just thought. Yep, you have lost, she is on a much different playing field than you are.