Thanks for the responses. So helpful and 100% agree.
Whilst I don't believe she sinisterly planned to have her parents move in, as they had discussed it with us over a year ago, and the W has always been the one more uncomfortable with the idea - it certainly isn't helping the situation right now.
Today I messaged our MC to let her know we wouldn't be coming back in the near term. She was understanding as she had a pretty clear sense that the W was already leaning out of the marriage in our initial sessions.
I accept that the W is 100% done with the M right now, but what I keep flip flopping with is my feelings around detachment. I know it's the right thing to do, it just sees to counter intuitive.
Further observations/context -
She's not angry, nasty or resentful towards me, and was genuinely sad and torn up but when she dropped the bomb. She insists her lack of feelings stem from having a realisation that she and I two very different people and not due to any other factors in our R.
I know all too well that our R deteriorated to the point where she longer felt like she could love me, which I completely accept my responsibility in, and the "we're just too different" is her label on her feelings right now, but it's not something I/we can work on until she's ready.
Since dropping the bomb however, her personality has drastically changed and is acting out all the signs of an MLC. It seems like dropping the bomb was a huge weight off her shoulders and now she's acting like how she's wanted to for a long time.
My next challenge is standing my ground on the trial separation.
Should I have a preference on whether she moves into the spare bedroom or out of the house completely? I think to properly detach I should have none. In fact, it's probably better she moves out she can't use the "staying in the same house wasn't a real separation so I still don't know what I want" excuse down the line.
It's valentine's day today. First time in 14 years I haven't bought her a rose or made dinner plans.
