Who knows if he'll follow through on taking me up to camp. Might just have to recruit his step mother to retrieve my things for me.
Today was H birthday. I gave him a simple happy birthday card, which he texted me to say thank you for this morning. He had told me a few days ago that he had no plans for his birthday, and he was out till 4AM plowing the yard because of all the snow we got, so I just said "Hey if you still don't have any plans I can pick up some sushi if you want?" annnnnd dead silence. No response. I know someones gonna jump up and say detach detach. I have been. It was just one nice gesture, I'll never regret trying to be nice to someone on their birthday. Its been difficult, still having ups and downs in my emotions.
Been having this weird thing happen lately, I'll fall asleep ok, but then around 2-3AM I suddenly wake up to the stark realization that my husband isn't in bed or at home. And then I don't fall asleep again. Its been awful.
Anyway, aside from that just been doing the detaching thing. He basically lives at his dads house now, from what he tells me. I don't believe most of what he says, since he's lied to me in the past, and he never tells me what he's thinking/how he's feeling. He never really has throughout our relationship. He had an EA that I found out about because he took a screen shot of their conversation on his phone and I found it. If I hadn't, I doubt he ever would have admitted it to me and stopped talking to her. He may even have another one for all I know. Aside from that one slip up, he's an expert at hiding things.
I'll be moving out in a few weeks so that'll really be detaching for me. Still going to wear my wedding rings and be "married" till i sign those papers. I've been talking to my parents a lot. DB says not to do that but I swear my parents have read that book. They almost got divorced when I was in high school because my father had an affair, but they worked through it and stayed together. They give me good advice too, (really, almost like the book) it just feels different to have your parents tell you I guess. Ultimately, I just need to leave him alone. Just slowing working towards "dropping the rope" so to speak. It seems as if he has so many layers of resentment and depression, there really isn't much I can do other than that.
BUT on a positive note, tomorrow is Valentine's date so I think I will take myself to get a manicure after work, then go get dolled up and take myself out to dinner at my favorite restaurant.
