TJT Becoming a "MFS"

[TJT]

Quick update since it's been a few weeks.

D is moving along. H signed the waiver and that's now filed. I have a consultation with an L this week to ensure the verbiage in the decree about the house is all good and well. Hopefully that will be a minimal cost and everything will move along smoothly after that. At the end of this month the waiting period will be over and it will just be a matter of having everything completed and getting a court date.

Filed taxes jointly and asked H if I could just keep his refund half to help pay for his half of the D costs, assuming it costs that much (I would give him his fair share if it's not all needed of course). He let me know he definitely could use the money, but didn't put up a fight about me keeping it because he wanted "to make sure I get my half of things". Good.

Funny enough, STBXH's mom called me maybe a week ago to "catch up" and it actually ended up being a lot of complaining about him! Noticing the same things I've noticed and her telling me it didn't take her long to realize that our sitch was basically her son's issue and not mine. I was able to smile about it and feel pity over any sadness. My frustration around "why won't H change" has seemed to dissolve and I am continuing to focus on me and my experiences without hinging them upon him.

I'm still seeing the guy I met ~3 weeks ago. We spent most of last weekend together, but definitely not in a weird way. He worked part of it but since he lives far I hung out at his place for a while until he'd come home. Then we do normal things like go out to dinner and come back to binge watch Game of Thrones because I've never watched it in my life and since the final season is coming back in April he wants me to catch up haha. He did have to leave suddenly for this week due to a death in the family and I was worried in the sense that I felt like it was going to be a dent in our "momentum" if you will. But I very quickly realized it was a good thing and if anything will help us learn more about each other being apart for the first time and so early on.

So far so good - he actually texted me yesterday evening saying he was trying to buy tickets for us to a comedy show when he comes back but was having a hard time doing it from there on his phone, so he said if I bought it he'd transfer the money back to me.

The only major thing I've struggled with is once again all related to SM. Obviously it's VERY early in this and I don't know how serious it will get, so I'm not making it a "thing" right now, but we did follow each other on IG and I noticed he follows various IG models and does regularly "like" their photos (not excessively, but regularly). Sometimes these photos are just a "normal" picture of a beautiful woman but there are equal number of those where it's a bikini thong pic, lingerie pic, etc. Of course this makes me feel ULTRA INSECURE but between googling opinions on this stuff and asking a few friends, combined with the fact that it is so early and he is obviously making an effort with me, I'm trying to tell myself to let it goooo. If later on we get more serious and it's still happening and bothering me then maybe we can talk about it and I can let him know how it makes me feel and see how that goes.

We have had 1 or 2 other conversations about "deeper" subjects (situations with his last two serious relationships, his family, and me even giving him some feedback) that have all been really mature and gone really well.

It's definitely a change trying to "date" when you're so used to being in a long-term, locked down relationship where you have a lot of history and influence with someone. Having to remind myself to take deep breaths and not overthink things or do anything that would seem overbearing, all the while also making sure I'm true to myself, getting what I need, and maintaining a level of awareness for red flags.

No matter which way this experience goes, I think there's a lot about it that has been good for me in growing as a person after what's happened with my STBXH.