Into the Fire (LB55 thread 2)

[LB55]

LB I'm honestly kind of stuck on this. On the one hand your W has painted you into this "litigation" corner, but on the other hand I kind of feel like maybe you shouldn't feed it anymore than you have to. I mean I'm sure it is costing both of you out the butt regardless. Is your position that you don't want to cash in any of the investments right now? Is there a reason for that? I mean they will have to be split up during the D anyway I would think, so whether you do it now or later probably doesn't matter much. If you don't want to for now then just tell her that. "W, I don't want to cash in the investments at this time." If she keeps hounding you about it, then you can say "draft up your proposal and I will review it with my L."

Yes I am at the same place. I want to negotiate with her on items. However she only wants to negotiate on finances. If I want an extra day with the kids mid week, then its 'the court orders don't allow for that. We do not have the power to negotiate outside of the court orders. Court orders are in the best interest of the kids.' Her L still has not gotten around to typing them up. I am beginning to wonder if she can't pay him and he is not working anymore on her case.

I understand that finances will be split eventually. However this is one of the few angles I have to try and force the realization of her decision upon her. She doesn't miss me doing things around the house, or watching the kids, or going grocery shopping, or any of those spousally shared tasks because I have been gone for a year and she has been doing them anyway. I need a few months to pass with her not getting full income to start to let the credit card stack up(not a joint account). If we sell investments to 'pad each of our singular bank accounts to ease this transition' it makes this process easy for her. I am fine without the extra padding in my account.

Single dude, 4 kids, lives with his parents is what I can infer from what they said.

Wow, yet another classic case of "affairing down". I'm glad to hear it hasn't affected you too much. Do discuss it with your L though, because as Twofeet said it may very well help your custody case even in a no fault state.

On a side note, if anyone didn't already think your W was a scuzzy sleazeball then knowing she's secretly been carrying on an affair with a loser living in his parents' basement should convince them!

Don't get me wrong, it does affect me, just not in a way that makes me angry. Maybe I will be angry about it someday, I don't know. I am much more upset that she is isolating me from the kids, telling them to hush up about things, ordering them to block me from any form of electronic communications, and basically blowing up our family for her own selfish actions. Definitely moving down the ladder. For my kids sake, I am still open to R someday if she decides to take the elevator back up a few floors. I have a ways to go on myself, and I would need a lot from her for me to consider a R scenario, but at this point an A doesn't mean the end of the road for me. I am better equipped even after just a couple months of this to be a better H, even with work to do on myself. I reserve the right to change my feelings tomorrow though. lol