Well I had been having a good couple of days recently and W called me and told me she had switched her direct deposit of her paycheck to her own bank account. We had discussed this previously and had agreed to it without setting a time frame. Now that she has done it, I'm spiraling a little. I know I mentioned this before, but I feel like it's just one step closer to getting D. Recently I have been having more good days than bad thinking that I would be ok with us getting D, but others days it crushes me to think about. I know that's just part of the journey we're all on, but it [censored].
Money struggles were always an issue during our M. We were never struggling to make ends meet, but W and I have a very different relationship with money and it caused issues with us. I am very cognizant of what we were spending and she spent liberally and whenever I brought it up it caused problems. I do wonder if her wanting to separate the finances is her way of dealing with the issues from our M.
I know it's a long journey, but to me this feels like a huge step toward the end of our M. On the other hand, she still has yet to bring up anything related to a formal separation agreement or anything else related to pushing this thing forward. I know Steve says WAW are usually lazy when it comes to the work of actually going through with D. I kind of see that with her. She says she's done with me and our M, but does nothing to move it forward. I guess I'm just tired of the limbo. I'm almost five months in to this, which I know is not that long, but it feels like an eternity. I think I would almost feel better if she would make a definitive decision one way or another, but I know it will take some time for her to get there. I'm going to continue standing for our M, but I almost wish she would make a decision one way or the other.
