I am trying to detached, when he comes here i am civil, but make it very clear that i am not is friend.

I try to do my thing, i am in different situation than most. I do not have any family here, or a job to go everyday. I have talk with 3 different friends and they have been great.
I come from a very large family and my sisters and mum call everyday to check how i am doing. Normally i am a very strong person, so is really weird for them see me going through this mess. They see me as a capable person, young, full of energy, good looking, great mum.
To them and my friends is obvious that i should move on with my life and not worry about him.
Why should i be suffering for someone that its treating as bad?

But what i want to do as a women and as a mum is very different.
Me as a women can let go, me as a mum wants to fix this. I know that i can not fix, i have accept it.
But he keeps giving me mix feelings. Like last time he was home, he ask me if we really over? And if i would take him back? And try to have sex with me?
If he is so happy with his life why would he do that?

If i did not have a child i would have pick up my share of the money and go travel, but i have one and changes everything. Its quite scary that i am the only person responsible for her at the moment. Daddy in the la la land and family living in different continents.
Its not easy to be alone in the worst time of your life and have to try to be a good mum. She is watching more Tv then i ever before, but i am in survival mood. She is happy and that is what matters.

I feel that i am in a stronger then i did a few months ago, i realize that is nothing that i can do. I have try to keep the family together and failed.
The separation is happening so i have to fight for a decent financial settlement so my daughter does not end up in poverty.
I live in a country where housing and cost of living is quite high, so as a single mum and not able to work full time will be very hard.
Going back to my country would be the easiest option for me, financial and emotionally, but i am not ready to do that to my daughter. If i go she would lose complete contact with dad, i need more time to make that decision.