At the same time, H has asked for a D. WTH? I see where your confusion lies, and you don't want to allow him to treat you as if you only exist at his disposal.
He has never come out and said the D word to me. He mentioned it to my daughter but not to me. To me he says he wants out of the M (I know that’s the same thing). But it’s like he can’t bring himself to say D.
Woah, that was a major misunderstanding on my part! I think I might re-advise based on my new understanding. I thought the D word had been said to you directly. Yes, he truly is muddled.
From my vantage point of reading what you wrote, it seems that your H really is struggling with MLC as you stated. I know every one of his actions is difficult for you to deal with - the push/pull, the lack of connection, the wanting "out". I sense that you just want so badly to have an impact on him and to influence him. You can't right now. I think that's in a large part what depression is: you can't reach him right now, he's on an island. He wants to get off the island, but he doesn't have the tools yet, or maybe he hasn't had enough time to build a boat. But he is the only one who can make a move - not you.
You're doing good stuff. You really are doing a good job in all of this.
Originally Posted by Living
I’ve internalized many things he has said to me when the vets say believe half of what they say.
I'd say this is your #1 focus of personal change right now. Go back in the forum and find some readings where the MLC spouse has said some truly bonkers stuff, but later admits that feeling changed. See it from their perspective.
