Into the Fire (LB55 thread 2)

[LB55]

I have consulted with my L and she says the mid week visits are definitely a thing the judge said.

The written agreement supercedes all verbal discussion. It doesn't matter what the judge said, what matters is what's in the paperwork. What I'm saying is quit talking to your W about this stuff until you have the paperwork in hand and can verify what's in it. If the mid-week visits were missed then you'll have to consult your L on how big a deal it is to get it added back in. Your W is very angry and as you said is looking for every way she can to "punish" you. So you've got to back off and leave her alone and stick to the letter of the law. You've got to be all-business with her from this point forward.

I haven’t seen the temp orders yet. Her lawyer hasn’t typed them up yet. Kind of in limbo land thus my desire to negotiate with her about the mid week visits. My L says i the judge definitely said they are authorized.

However, she only wants to be amicable if it is in her best interest and works with her plans and schedule.

Exactly. Her way or there will be hell to pay. The problem (for her) is you're not playing by her rules. You moved to protect yourself and fight her baseless accusations and she is ANGRY about it. Just don't give her any ammo to use against you during this time.

Yes she is angry, all of th communications have an angry undertone. I am trying hard to not respond in kind.

She has been irrationally angry before, and threatened divorce before, most recent time was 2011 when she told me to get a vasectomy or she was divorcing me because she was tired of having to take birth control pills and it shouldn't be her responsibility to minimize our chances of having another child. I didn't stand my ground and got the procedure done, and I regret it to this day, especially now. I wasn't sure about getting it done at the time, because I wasn't sure I only wanted 2 kids, and needed time to think. She demanded I get it done or she was leaving with the kids and moving to another state before I returned from deployment.

Well that's a blatant red flag that something was wrong. I'm not so sure that you getting a vasectomy would have changed a thing though. The truth of the matter is that it IS her responsibility just as much as it is yours. And taking a pill each day is pretty insignificant compared to getting a surgical procedure (assuming it wasn't causing her health complications). I have a friend that had complications due to a vasectomy procedure and let me tell you, if you heard what happened to him it would make you think twice about doing it. I imagine if you had gotten one then she would have found some other reason to be resentful, so don't beat yourself up too much over that.

Unfortunately I did get it done. Fortunately I didn’t have any serious complications. I regret it most days though. I was torn at the time and needed time to decide. My younger immature self was very scared of the threat to leave with the kids before I got back from the Middle East and so I had it done by the doc a few weeks before my return.

I don’t know if it was the right time to do it, it I threw a truth dart at W tonight.

Remember- BUSINESS ONLY when you talk/ text with her. Anything like that is just going to be ammo for her to show everyone- "see how mean and vindictive he is? I shouldn't have to take this!" I mean I understand how tempting it is, but you've got to avoid that to protect yourself and your time with the kids. Not that what you said was particularly confrontational, but right now ANYTHING you say or do that is not strictly business is going to get twisted by her into something evil.

Yes I understand. I am having hard time with some of her statements. In my world silence is acceptance and if I don’t respond to statements about it being what I wanted and her just doing me a favor it becomes a court doc the next day proving it’s what I want. Very frustrating.