Any tips? I've stop all pursuits but I keep having a niggling feeling that she thinks I'm being cold and will feel more justified in her actions.
This stood out to me. Detachment is counter-intuitive, so we all have thoughts like this. However, has pursuit worked? My guess is that you tried it first and more than likely it pushed her further away. Detachment might not save your marriage. But it will save you. And pursuit almost never works.
So your choice is to detach or pursue. One has a chance to save your marriage, the other does not. One will save you from your sitch and the other will set you up for more pain.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
