Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 6

[Davide]

Hi folks,

I just spent the weekend in Miami for an interview yesterday. It was a nice break from the drudgery that is February in the (more) northern climes. It was so gorgeous to be out there, walking along the beach, soaking up the sun, eating amazing Cuban food! I got one of those dockless Lime bike rentals and rode all around the city (so dangerous!) for two days. I even connected and met up with a woman from one of the OLD sites - it wasn't romantic/sexual but we had a coffee and walked around South Beach and she showed me cool places. The interview itself was all day yesterday and it was my first real one in 3 years. I had to teach a class while being observed, and that part of it went really well - they clearly loved my style and class. However, I am not as sold myself as the school and the other teachers in my discipline are much more traditional and it feels like the fit might not be there. The worst case scenario is that I got a basically free trip down to Miami from it, so it's a win no matter what.

I am feeling a bit down because I have been doing lots of phone interviews, and lots of schools seem to be interested, but my style is very progressive and it is hard to find a place where I will be free to be myself, as well as be located in a cool, progressive city. I couldn't possibly have more freedom than I do in my current position (though I could earn more!) and my living situation is both affordable and walkable. I certainly don't need to leave, but I am struggling to avoid the feeling of being trapped.

I think it is also a bit hard because today is/was my anniversary as well as my W's birthday. It hasn't dominated my thoughts or turned into any sort of downward spiral, but I think that it is exerting some sort of subconscious pressure. Going back to such a tropical and Latin city like Miami also brought up a number of memories, of trips to Havana and Panama, as well as our life together in South America where our relationship started and we spent our first year and a half together. I keep reminding myself to refocus my drishti onto the future, onto the present, onto the things that bring me joy and happiness. My plan was to get out of the house tonight, go on a date, just do something fun and enjoyable with a person who wants to share my company. However, I am exhausted from the travel and haven't set anything up, so I will likely stay home and watch an NBA game that I have a lot of interest in (TTP!) My W left me a birthday note and gift back in November, so my thought was it would be nice to do the same, while not recognizing the anniversary at all. I just finished a book that I think she would enjoy so I am thinking of wrapping that up and leaving it with a brief note for when she comes by to get the dog on Thursday. We are meeting on Saturday to discuss finances, but I want to keep that business-focused.

Despite those hiccups, overall things are still going well. I feel strong and in control, if still uncertain, of my future. There are lots of possibilities out there, I just need to decide which interest me the most.