Good morning (it’s morning where I love) DB friends!
I’m starting to feel a little better after my eventful weekend. I feel like my body is less tense and I’m sure that will continue over the coming days. I’m booking me another massage and a facial for this weekend. Hopefully that will help.
H and I have interacted in pleasant way for the past couple of days. We haven’t had any R talks (thank God) because we said we would wait a few days to talk again. However, I truly don’t think my H is at the point to have the R talk that would need to be had.
He panicked when I didn’t come home.
He never expected me to do that.
His emotions got the best of him.
I’m sure his mind was racing with thoughts of his wife being intimate with another man. Because he thought I was with someone else. Funny how when he was having an affair he wasn’t concerned with my feelings or thoughts. Mentally he couldn’t handle it.
HeI can tell his anxiety levels are a little high and I still see bits of the depression still there (even though he seems to be doing better on the depression front). So it’s good we are giving each other space to just calm down.
I’m actually glad he will be leaving for his guys trip in a couple of weeks. I think the space will be great for both of us. Honestly...and I can admit this now, I was angry about his guys trip he planned. I was angry because here our M is on life support and rather than try to work on it, you would rather go away for a guys trip.
That’s selfish of me to think that way. Sure things suck for us right now. Sure he’s done a lot of painful things. However, he works hard and has always been a great provider for us. When I look over our relationship, he sacrificed things he wanted to make sure he was able to provide for his family. And I will be eternally grateful to him for supporting me by allowing me not to work when I finished school.
Things were hard when I wasn’t working. And there wasn’t extra money for even the simple things he may have wanted to do. I had to ask myself, if things were going great in our M, would I be angry with him for taking this trip? And the answer is no.
It’s crazy because my 15 S helped get me to this place regarding this trip. We were discussing his dads trip and he asked where he was going and how long he would be gone. I told him. And he said...I get it, I think it’s great that he’s taking this trip. He said he deserves it, he works hard. He said he’s been working hard on fixing up the house. He said he goes to work and comes straight home. He said he doesn’t go out or do anything for himself, so I’m glad he’s taking this trip.
And once I took my selfish feelings out of things I realized my son is right. Regardless of what is happening with us, he does deserve to be able to take a trip if he wants to. And I can and shall do the same and I’m sure he will support me.
Sorry guys, I know my posts can sometimes be very long.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
