Firstly, what a fantastic community and resource. It has been a tremendous help since the rug was pulled from under me a few weeks ago.
My wife and I have been together since we were 17 (both 31 now), and married for 3 years, at which point we moved into our home together. No kids. She is the love of my life.
3 weeks ago, she gave me the 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' talk. I did all the stupid things many of us go through before finding DB.
Reflecting on what's happened, there are many signs that my W has been quietly going through an MLC and trying to deal with it herself over the past year.
For most of her career, she was a nurse at a children's hospital. She loved everything about the job, but the shift work was starting to get to her. Just over a year ago she enrolled in a new course at uni and also got a part time office job. Let's just say her new office job is less than mesmerising and I know she has been struggling with the adjustment. In hindsight, I could've done more to make her feel supported during her transition.
Even before dropping the bomb on me, I'd noticed a distinct lack of intimacy a couple of months ago. Since reading about W's go through MLC in their 30's, she's doing all the textbook things -
Going out drinking much more often with her younger single uni friends Putting a lot more effort into her looks when she goes out - but not for me Plastic surgery (something she told me she's always wanted, so I was supportive) Spending much more time on her phone/social media Hanging out with male colleagues/uni friends solo, which is something she never did in happier times She has verbalised that she feels like she has no identity and doesn't know her purpose in life Saying "grass is always greener" things and that there may be people better suited for us, and that we're just too different
My dilemma is the following:
She has indicated that she needs space to decide if she actually want to even try to repair our relationship. We've been to 2 marriage counselling sessions, but as I'm the only one that's been putting in the effort, we're not getting anywhere.
To make matters much more complex, her parents, who I love and get along with dearly, have recently moved in with us as they begin to renovate their house. What timing!
How do I give her space but being in the same house? I don't think it's right for me to have to move out.
In terms of my own mental sanity, I'm working out again and trying to GAL.
Any tips? I've stop all pursuits but I keep having a niggling feeling that she thinks I'm being cold and will feel more justified in her actions.
