Nicole, anything is possible. As it had been more than a week with no communication between us I kept the communication light, friendly especially as I found out on contacting her that she was busy with work for the weekend. I was really just at a point of saying to myself that given the distance between us I'm cool with us just being friends if she's not interested in anything further. I just wasn't going to ghost her and disappear as I've had happen in the past with OLD. IF she were to contact me back sometime and be engaging with me on what I was up to, then I'd move straight to asking her to meet up...right now though I just don't see that happening, BUT I left it friendly with her so who knows.
My D4 I can see her when I don't have her sometimes. When I leave from visiting, the building has windows on 3 walls and as I leave in my car, I see her following me to all 3 walls watching me leave. I just find myself saying "it is D4 who pays for this, not me, not her mom" and I HATE that. There is no greater pain for me than unwillingly having to leave her behind.
You do guiltfully enjoy the time you do not have your child in 50/50 as time goes on, but you also feel like you are "paying for failing" when you realize you are giving up half of the most precious time you can NEVER get back. I get why you would do anything to save your marriage. Any parent would understand that for the sake of their children, BUT there are simply some marriages and some "anythings" that are just too far gone to save even with the best of intentions. Do I want this for my D4? NO! Could I have a MR with my WW right now? NO! So there it is TRUTH. All I can do is accept it and make the best of it. Will this having happened move me along to a yet better relationship/love, who knows...could I ever get back with D4's momma? I say never, but again honestly who knows. I try to take what comes my way in life with no need for control of it these days. Doesn't mean I won't set my sails for particular destinations, but if the winds take my sails in a different direction I'm up for seeing where they take me. Don't hold on so tightly Nicole. Release yourself from needing to control the destinations in your life, let the winds take you where you were naturally meant to go and enjoy the journey!
