My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 6

[LB55]

Well I had it out with W this afternoon. She brought up divorce again. We both yelled at each other. We both got sad. We hugged. We talked. All anti DB stuff. She says I punished her by cancelling our plans yesterday to go hang out with my friend. W says that she told me if I cancelled our plans it would be to punish her and that she's out if I'm punishing her. Well she stepped over the line, why do I have to be put in that position? I'm not patient enough she says. She was patient for years (which is true).

She is welcome to her opinion. Did you do it to punish her? Think about your reasons for doing what you did. If you can honestly say you aren't punishing her, then I think you can have a clear conscience. Her ultimatums should not cause you to yield. One person always yielding leads to resentment of the other. "do what I want or I am out" sounds like an ultimatum to me. She is assuming you did cancel to punish her. Again, did you? Examine yourself and you will find some answers.

I'm feeling hopeless. Like this isn't going to work. Why is she pushing me so hard?

It really tough and frustrating. There is always hope, hope for you! She is pushing you because you are reacting to it. Stop the results based analysis. You don't control her nor the outcome of her decisions. My 2 cents. Emotional detachment is about not reacting inappropriately to her outburst and actions. It's hard, and we all have to work each day to remember how and to improve. Get back on your feet and don't make the same mistake next time! A focus area for me in all my relationships(not just my W) is to stop needing to have the last word. Whether it's a text, a call, an email, etc, I try to focus on ending the conversation just before the other person, and letting them say goodbye, or to not reply to a text that doesn't require a reply. Helps me let go of my control of them and the conversation. It's getting easier and my life hasn't changed significantly one way or the other because of it.

LB that meal sounds good man. I found some huge blackberry bushes and made lots of cobbler. I love summertime, blackberries, tomatoes, warm water, warm air, long days, hot nights. Can't wait.

As did yours! I love summertime. Salmon season in the northwest, beautiful weather, blackberries everywhere!