Went for a long drive today and got to thinking, I don't think these DB tactics are really going to work for me/him. I was reading a lot of other threads and it just seems like everyone else spouses are more passionate about things, in a both good and bad way. I know I said there are a lot of spouses that are behaving just like my H, he's just apathetic. I know theres no way of me knowing what he's thinking, nor should I try to figure it out, the way he looks at me (when he even does anymore) just makes my heart sink. Most of the time if i try to make eye contact with him he just gets shifty eyed and looks at my feet, but when he does look at him its almost like a disgusted look. As if i had cheated on him or something and he can't even look at me. When he walks around the house he tries to stay as far away from me as possible. But yet sometimes gives me hugs, or asks me to come over and look at his phone...
He's stopped texting me as much now, he only checks in for things he needs to ask me. Up until last week he would continue to text me randomly throughout the day about his day or funny things he found online. He doesn't do that anymore. Basically, I'm getting the vibe that he's already moved on, and all thats missing is the papers.
I had skype drinks last night with one of my best friends from high school (Its like getting a drink with a friend, except you're at home on a webcam haha) We ended up talking for like 3 hours and he played me some tunes on his guitar and it was really nice to just talk to someone who's outside of all this.
On the positive uplifting side, I was remembering a conversation I had with my MC about things that I'm afraid of. It's sad, but for a long time losing my H was one of my greatest fears, because I love him so much. Now that I have to face that fear, everything else that I was afraid to do seems so easy, and thats kind of nice. I was afraid to quit my job and go back to school so pursue something I'm passionate about. I don't feel afraid of that anymore. Honestly, if I can make it through my greatest fear and come out the other side, I know i'll only be that much stronger, and I can do anything.
