While I was away my H totally lost his sh@t. I was literally scared his anxiety would get the best of him. He begged and pleaded that I come home right away. I didn’t. He said things that he has since apologized for. I’m honestly shocked that he lost it the way that he did.
However, I’m guessing it gave him time to think as well.
So as you predicted I came home to R talk all initiated by him. As soon as I walked in the door, he was like we need to talk.
I let him say whatever he wanted to say and I just listened. He told me all the ways that I failed the marriage. I wish I would have come here first because instead of saying “ I understand you feel that way”... I said, “I’m sorry that you feel that way.” I did say and that must be hard for you.
Anyway, I let him go on and on about what he felt went wrong in the M. He discussed some of things we did wrong when it came to holding each other and our kids accountable. He told me that when I wasn’t working it was hard on us financially. But he didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He wanted me to focus on finishing school.
After he finished telling me all the ways he felt I failed him in the M, he then told me all the ways that he feels that he has failed me in the marriage. Again, I just listened. After he finished he asked me if he left off anyways that he failed me in the marriage. He pretty much covered most of them but a couple of things. So I told him he missed a couple of things. He asked me what they were and I told him.
He said that he knows he should have communicated it to me when things got bad. He then apologized for not being the H that I needed. He again apologized for the PA and said I did nothing wrong to deserve that.
He also apologized for all the hateful text messages and voicemails he left me while I was away.
He then said that we never really did the work that we needed to do on the M. He said maybe if we really put in the work we can save this M.
I just listened to all that he said. I told him I believe that a lot of our problems can be resolved. I know that’s not the same as saying “I believe that there are many solutions to our problems”...but I think I came close enough.
He then says I’m not ready to give up on our marriage. He goes on to say I just felt like I wasn’t getting what I needed so why stay married. He said but I wasn’t considering you weren’t getting what you needed as well.
He asked me if I could go back and start over, would I do it all over again? My answer was yes I would do it all over again but I would do it differently.
He asked me would I be willing to put in the work and try to save our marriage together.
I told him that depends on a lot of things and I’m not prepared to answer that question as this time. I told him we both need some time and some space to really think about and evaluate our situation.
Last edited by Living; 02/10/1907:34 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together