Help needed with wayward wife

[SteveLW]

I has been couple months, since we have been living in separate rooms. We had been together for 18 years, no kids
On December 9th I asked what was going on with her. I felt like she was spending more and more time by herself and did not want to spend with me or our friends. She was very secretive and I asked how she felt about our relationship and she could not answer. I had a bad feeling that she was cheating and started to pay more attention to her whereabouts. She stopped wearing wedding band probably since the beginning of November.
On 12/26/18 She said she went to Nordstrom store. I tracked her phone and confirmed that she was in residential area and meeting a guy and having sex. Once she came back from his place I confronted her and she admitted that she saw him couples times. The guy is 10 years younger at first she said it just a fling. For couple weeks since then I have been a mess, however I quickly decided that I needed help and called therapist and started my healing process. I started reading divorce busting and researching how to communicate and work thru this. I stopped bothering her, gave her space and time. We would just say to each other good morning and good night and maybe some polite conversation. i was reading about boundaries and asked her not to use our house for affair resources. Today 02/09 I said that i felt being disrespected, by her continuing this affair. I asked why she haven't come to me sooner to talk about our problems and she said that she was a coward. I stated that I might live couple more month like this and said she might need to move out. I said sometime people need to spend time seperatly .Couple of my friends know of this, they helped me a lot. we haven' told family or any other of our friends. . I had been spending a lot of time outside with friends going to a dance class, gym. I had been on my best behavior, however I am not sure if there is a chance on this anymore.

Paul, I am so sorry for you. I am glad you are here because we can help, but I am also sad for you that you are here.

Thank you for telling us you have no kids. My advice always changes a bit for those without kids. When kids are involved, whether people want to admit it or not, it is important to consider what D does to kids. But when there are no kids involved you can be a little more selfish. You can ask questions like "Do I really want to be married to a cheater?" "Can I ever trust her again?" "I wonder how hot my new girlfriend will be?" Stuff like that.

I know you are going through a rough time. I, and others, often say that I wouldn't wish this on our worst enemy. But the good news is that you get decide what is best for you. And you get to look ahead to the future and decide what YOU want.

Also, I feel that if you truly move on eventually she will come back and want you, and you will get to decide whether you stay together or split apart.

Sounds like you are doing the right things. If she continues the affair I would get a little more forceful about her moving out.

Hang in there, you will be better off one way or the other.