Still in Limbo

[Living]

So here are some lessons I’m learning from my sitch. I’m typing these out because maybe they will help someone else out. I’m also typing them out to hold myself accountable.

* Don’t take your spouse for granted - I’m guilty of that.
* Enjoy the nice things he does for you but also return the favor.
* Don’t neglect your spouse sexually or intimately - I did both and I know it put a huge strain on our M.
* Support your spouse, they are a human with feelings and emotions.
* Encourage and uplift your spouse.
* Affirm your spouse.
* Make them feel appreciated.
* Communicate when issues arise. Don’t allow them to fester. And when you do address be direct and make it known how serious you are.
* Nuture and feed your marriage. Just like a plant needs water and food to grow, so does a marriage. Make time for each other. The dating shouldn’t stop after marriage. Date your spouse. Marriage takes work and if you want it to last, don’t stop working on it.
* Realize that it’s ok to not spend every waking moment together. It’s ok for you to have separate hobbies. It’s ok that you are two individual people.
* Again communicate.
* After the wedding the real work begins, show up everyday ready to work.

Other lessons I’m learning

* Marry someone who won’t be so easy to give up. I’m not 100% sure how you’ll know this during the dating phase. But maybe the amount of relationships your mate has been in is an indication. Have they jumped from one relationship to the next? And if so, why?
* Marry someone who is capable of communicating.
* Marry someone who isn’t a quitter.
* Marry someone who believes in wedding vows and takes them seriously.
* Pick a mate who has a firm sense of who they are as a person.
* Marry someone who has their own goals and aspirations.
* Spend time really getting to know someone. Don’t be in a rush to jump in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with taking the time to REALLY get to know someone before committing.
* Marry someone who has done the work on themselves. This includes dealing with childhood traumas. Make sure the person has at least sought therapy for these things.
* Find someone who has some sense of how relationships should work.

I’m sure I can think of more but that’s a good list for now. I’m also writing this down in my journal. I have ordered a few self help books on relationships and marriage. I’m hurt right now. I’m devastated right now. However, I’m committed to doing the work on myself.

Hopefully after reading and working on myself, I will be a better person, and a better wife to someone in the future. My H basically said that I failed at being the w he needed. And in a lot of ways he is absolutely correct.

I pray for healing.
I pray that God gives me clarity.
I pray that God grants me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change.
I pray for peace.
I pray for my H. I wish him the best and hope someday he will find everything that his heart desires.