Still in Limbo

[LB55]

I will never for the life of me understand how anyone can fake happiness for years. Perhaps he was scared to tell me how he was feeling. Maybe he was scared to hurt my feelings. But hopefully he will see that is not how to handle things. Hopefully he will at least learn that lesson before he gets into another R.

I am not sure they were unhappy. The rewriting history part of this makes it seem as if there were no happy moments. To my knowledge our M was happy until November 2018. 12 years. On oct 7 W posted a beautiful anniversary message about our future and can't wait to spend the rest of our life together. In November she asked me to leave the house and I got a restraining order and divorce papers 4 days before Christmas. Says she has never been happy, everything is my fault, she can't be with someone like me, etc. it really cuts deep for all of us.

That is exactly what should have happened. He should have addressed the issues he had before he allowed them to fester. It just shows me that he lacks some serious relationship skills. The crazy thing is we always talked about how important communication is in a M. We vowed to communicate with one another.

I don’t claim to be perfect and some of the issues he had with me he has every right to have. I just wish he would have come to me. I wish he would have felt comfortable enough to come and talk to me. I wish he would have known that I would have truly listened and worked on my shortcomings.

Yes this is a large source of frustration. If things are bad, normal people address the problem and give a chance to the other person to fix themselves. Not getting an opportunity to demonstrate a willingness to change before blowing up the whole family is devastating and leaves a lot of 'what ifs' in your mind.

And that’s the part that hurts the most. You will throw away 13 years before ever even trying. So what that means to me is that you were never really 100 % committed to this M. I’m not an irrational person...I would have way more respect for him if he would have come to me and if he actually at least tried work on the M before just pulling the plug.

The lack of commitment in the tough times really eats at me too. Quitting just isn't in my blood. Especially quitting on my W, that's just Unfathomable to me. Hard to know if they were never committed or just decided one day they would quit. Likely we will never know the truth.

Again I wasn’t perfect, I failed too. The difference is I’m doing the work self and was willing to work on the M.

None of us are perfect. It's just not possible. Recognizing failures and working to improve is maturity. You will benefit in the end and find your happiness.