I think he's caught on that I'm thinking of taking the dog. Aside from taking our old dog to his chemo treatment, H never took care of the dog. I was like the dog mom taking them for walks, feeding them, making sure their shots were up to date, making sure they were registered with the town and doing all of their training. Out of the blue he texts me yesterday that he is taking the dog to the vet today to get him his next shots that are due. Like... what? Does he even know what shots he needs? He only takes them when theres an emergency because he's closer than I am to the house during work hours. Really starting to feel like I'm gonna miss my dog more than my husband, and we've only had our new dog for 14 months. Our old dog died last July. I think its a contributing piece to my husbands depression, I've never seen him cry more than when we had to put that dog down.
I digress.
Yesterday I finally got myself to mail out a few boxes of things to my parent's place. I think i was so slow to do it because I was in denial. I was thinking me staying here and sticking it out would change his mind. Now I realize, it won't make a difference because he's always gone, and he isn't ready to change his mind, if he even wants to at all. I know I shouldn't be the one to leave because HE's the one who wants a divorce so he should leave, but he's the only reason I moved way out here in the first place. I don't have any family here, it's all his. All my friends are married to his friends so I can't talk about anything without him finding out. I hate my job and only kept it because I made a decent amount of money (every time I would mention finding a new job he would say, "but are you going to find another job that would pay you as much?" I know, i know, he isn't to blame for my job unhappiness), it's not really going anywhere.
My MC tells me me leaving him and going home could be the thing that ends the relationship for good... or saves it. I can't really know how he'll be after I leave. Before all of this and the BD, I did write him an apologize letter, owning up to everything that I did wrong and the things that I need to fix in our relationship. My MC wants to read it so I asked H to give to back to me. He conveniently misplaced it.
His birthday is 2/13 so I got him a birthday/valentines day card. I used to get him birthday/anniversary/valentines cards and he would just read them and throw them away. Last anniversary, I gave up and didn't get him a card because it didn't seem like he really cared and WOW did that come up in his BD. How he was so hurt that I didn't even get him a card. (Never mind the trip i planned to Quebec for the anniversary, that was just garbage, he really just wanted the greeting card) Not sure if I'm gonna give him this birthday card...
