Hit by the dreaded ILYBNILWY

[mikeyb]

Way to let the situation not weight you down. I'm glad you're staying upbeat. I had to play "fake it till you make it" for a long time before I finally detached.

Key word there is DETACH. You do things for you. If she wants to join you, that's up to her.

Yes, the plate things was petty, but please try to limit your apologies to her because it puts you back in a negative light.

Women operate almost entirely on emotion, and so when you apologize, you are actually putting a stamp on a behavior you see as negative, but you have validated her reaction now by essentially telling her that she was right to be upset with you.

Read up on validating. One of the big things you'll get out of it is that we don't validate by apologizing or saying "I'm sorry," we do it by relaying an understanding to the emotions that they are having.

phrases such as "that seems really frustrating," or "I get why you would feel like that" take the focus off of your actions and put them on WW's emotions.

If she's gone for a few day, you have some time to do some reading. The sooner you start to understand Detaching and Validation, the faster your interactions with her will become positive. Also do some reading about toxic relationships as it might help you to get detached a bit sooner.

Honestly, though, even though I mentioned your interactions with WW first, your focus NEEDS to be on you and becoming the man you want to be.

What are your goals and what are you doing to reach them?

If it's getting in better shape physically and mentally, I'd suggest lifting and reading as much as time will allow.

Focus on you because she may or may not come back. Your goal should be to become the best possible version of yourself so that you know that you're living your best life whether she's in it or not.

So I know that the things I do are for me. If I go to do something should I throw an invite out, or just leave it be unless she asks to come along?

And I think I am getting a better idea on validation methods.

Thanks for the reading suggestions, I will try to do as much as I can before she returns but I also have a pretty busy plate with GAL plans this weekend.

Main goal is to get myself in a much better mental state, as stated in my first post I've been stressed and depressed for quite some time, due to many reasons, some were posted already, but i big reason is that I have my own insecurities that are unfortunately something I can't get through easily.

My teeth are not in good shape, they've been this way since my teens. My child hood wasn't the greatest so necessary procedures to correct and prevent what I'm dealing with now couldn't be done and weren't approved my medicaid. I've been trying to get the work done now for 3 years but every time has been a let down. (first time was quoted $19K, second time $3,500 everything done, traveled 3 states north to get it done, to be told they couldn't do it due to my sinus cavities) Around October when I was really trying to turn things around I was going to the dentist to go over options. I was quoted over $6k (after insurance) to get the necessary work done, which obviously I don't have the money for right now. I feel bad about myself because of it, and basically started letting myself go. Not getting hair cuts, letting my beard just go all wild, and just overall not taking very good care of myself. These last few weeks I have been really trying to focus on making myself feel better about myself. I've been shaving almost daily, getting regular haircuts, and just in general trying to make my self look the best I can given the circumstances. It has helped some.

That's one of the best thing qualities about my W, she has always looked at me beyond my teeth issue and more of who I am (or was) as a person, knowing that it is something that bothers me a lot.