Gordie 23 one year after she dropped the D

[roist]

My thoughts:

1. Rules are nice guidelines but life is messier and doesn’t always follow the rules

2. MLC is different and doesn’t follow these rules

3. Actions speak louder than words

So that makes me wonder where am I?

There are many variables in each situation so in a way you are right, everything here is more guidelines than rules. But those rules/guidelines are based on good principles. In this case I think (and I restate this is only my interpretation/understanding), that if certain matters are swept under the carpet, true reconnection cannot occur. Yes the phases can be passed through and real improvement may be experienced, but eventually if left unaddressed, it will undermine that progress and could well unravel it.

This could be on two fronts:
1. The WAS has not had to really acknowledge the wrongs they have done. I believe this has to be done or otherwise they never really have to think about and ultimately accept that they treated the LBS poorly. If that is not realized, they do not have a true picture of the situation and in the future if things are no longer perfect all they remember is how your faults almost split ye up before!!, hence making it easier to follow the same path without other reflection
2. The LBS could experience resentment if this is never addressed. That resentment could undermine any future R.

In summary I believe it is a healthy rule/guideline.

I imagine in your case it is imaginable that W may not be forthcoming with such a strong declaration. Only time can tell. In that eventuality, once reconnection has taken place, the lbs can bring up the topic IMO. It is the healthy thing to do. BUT, as job has explained now isn't the time for pushing her. Accept that this will still take another long time to knit together and be patient

One final observation, but everything you listed reads like a classic script. The good news about that is that if you follow the guidelines about that script you will get to where you want to be E V E N T U A L L Y.

So what are you going to do for yourself whilst being patient. Sitting watching the grass grow or paint dry doesn't make it happen any faster but sure feels longer. I am about to signup for a sporting event later this year that should take about six hours to finish or longer if training doesn't go as planned! This is a big commitment from me (time and energy mostly) and a huge challenge, but it also changes my focus. So I ask again, what are you going to do for you this year?

Best wishes