Hi Adam / Yail - sorry it's taken a while. I've tried to switch off a little this week.
My H's behavior is definitely not normal. When the kids are on holidays he will normally stay with them in the house for a few hours whilst I am at work and then take them somewhere. Whilst he is here he potters. He takes the rubbish out, he does some DIY, he cleans my car, takes our dog for a walk. I partly thought he was uncomfortable being at home and felt he needed to DO THINGS. But this week he has been here on his own and it's like he doesn't want anyone to know he is there. He literally leaves just before the nanny is due to arrive, he washes and puts away any dishes he has used (only his dishes mind, not the breakfast dishes). Of course, he knows I know. He installed that stupid camera. Maybe you're right. He has been ill this week and he wants to be at home, in front of his TV, surrounded by our things. It is strange, and I am still conflicted about how I will handle it.
Like I've said before, my stance is a passive one. Let him live his life, I live mine, don't push and don't pull. This feels like pushing.
He went to D12's parent teacher interviews last night. He asked me the nightbefore if I was going, and I told him I had plans. I went to D12's parent teacher night on my own last year, and as he didn't think it was necessary for both of us to go last year, I didn't think it was necessary that we both attend this year. He asked if I would look after D9 and I repeated I had plans. I spent the next 15 mins upstairs putting away clothes until I heard him leave. Then I went down and watched a movie with the children. I ended up changing my plans and watching D9 anyway as she would have missed out on her seeing her tutor - the logistics didn't work. A part of me thinks I should have stood my ground, a part of me doesn't want our children to miss out on things.
When he got back he told me D12 had started crying in one of her classes and she has been given a pass so she can leave any class if she starts to feel tearful. Apparently, she has been tearful a lot in class this week. Whilst he was telling me D9 asked me to look at something on her phone. When I looked down at the phone he said "well, if you don't want to listen then I won't bother telling you". I told him I was listening and am capable of doing more than one thing at the same time. He finished telling me how she was doing, and then said "right girls, we need to go".
I have finally got a consultation for D12 to see a therapist. It will be an initial assessment and not until March, but hopefully, this will give her an outlet to talk.
H and I have not seen that much of each other - though we have seen each other more than I thought. The only night he had the girls was Thursday, and as he was picking them up straight from school and I was going out, I had not expected to see him. But he text Wednesday to say his flight was cancelled and could he pick up the girls from football training (I said yes) I saw him for about 10 mins (that was the night I went to tidy my clothes). On Thursday, he asked me to help out with the pick ups (again saw him for 15 mins) and again this morning briefly when I dropped off D9's homework which she forgot take with her the night before.
I leave for Chamonix on Sunday. I have mixed feelings about this. I suspect some of D12's angst, and H's recent anger, has something to do with my going away. I don't really want to go, but I know I have to.
