She claims that since YS is nursing, she will get primary custody, and courts won’t split up boys—also, if she claims primary custody, I will pay her child support, according to her.
She's probably right about YS, but it would likely be temporary and revisited later after he's weaned. She's probably not right about the court not splitting up the boys, I think they would consider the custody separately due to the age difference and because one is breast-feeding and the other isn't.
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She also claimed to me that for most of the last year, that her IC was on my side, and basically agreed that things could be saved—and only within the last month or so (probably since W BD’ed me in early January) did her IC see things as not salvageable. She then later mentioned that her IC believes that the bird-nesting arrangement is what is best. So, which was it?
One thing you have to understand about IC's is they are mainly just there to listen and validate. They typically don't try to steer patients in a particular direction, but rather they just mirror back what the patient is saying to them. So her IC is telling her what she wants to hear basically. The IC's words mean nothing, I mean absolutely zero.
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She asked me if I’m seeing a therapist
Straight out of the WAS handbook. It's a technique for deflecting blame for the sitch- "you need help".
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Once I said that, SHE LOST IT, and had an ugly cry. I was afraid she was going to hyperventilate or do something extreme. But man did she lose it.
Probably alligator tears. How dare you not just go along with her perfect little plan! Threats aren't working, so why not resort to tears. When that doesn't work it'll be back to threats.
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She’s basically offering me 2 options: take her parenting plan, or I come up with my own parenting plan. Neither? She ups and leaves with the kids.
From one of the legal sites on the 'net:
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First, legally, she cannot simply leave with the kids. Even though this has seemingly happened for years, the mother has no more right to the children than the father, especially if there is no divorce or custody agreement in place. As a married couple, you share joint-legal custody of the children. That does not change simply because she has decided to leave you.
What Should You Do If Your Wife Leaves with the Children?
Protecting Your Rights as a Father – you have specific rights as a father and you need to protect them immediately if your wife leaves with the children. If you simply allow this to happen without any recourse, you may actually lose your rights when the divorce and custody case go in front of a judge. To protect your rights, immediately contact a Family Law attorney specializing in divorce and custody cases. Get an Agreement in Place – your attorney should contact your wife’s attorney immediately to begin working on an agreement. If you just show up and take the children, it could turn into a legal mess for you, so be patient and leave it to the attorneys. At the very least, the contact is documented so the courts will know you simply did not allow this to happen and that you are very interested in remaining in your children’s lives. Create Visitation Schedule and Stick to It – the time you spend with your children will be scrutinized heavily during the divorce process. If you plan to fight for custody, make sure you are still involved in all parenting decisions for your children. You also need to make sure when the children are with you, you are there for them. Do not just pick them up and put them under the care of sitter, family member, or friend. Be there as their father and spend quality time with them. This will matter when the case goes in front of a judge. In addition, do not miss any scheduled visits. If you have agreed to a schedule, stick to it so missed times cannot be used against you during the custody hearing.
Talk to your lawyer and ask what the process will be if she does just disappear with the kids. Find out what you can do to circumvent her from doing that. I would think the courts would not look favorably on her if she's the one that ups and leaves and rips the kids from the family home and their father. Then again I would not put it past her to make up lies about domestic abuse.
