Gordie 23 one year after she dropped the D

[Gordie]

Andrew thank you

So I was reading Sandi2’s post about piecing which includes a lot of Blu’s thoughts as well + Joe’s

She lays out a clear rule

There must be clear and definitive remorse and reconciliation before piecing

In all of their cases they had clear remorse and reconciliation

There was the I am so sorry and I want to work on us talk from the wayward spouse

Well, what if that never happens?



My thoughts:

1. Rules are nice guidelines but life is messier and doesn’t always follow the rules

2. MLC is different and doesn’t follow these rules

3. Actions speak louder than words

So that makes me wonder where am I?



So as DNJ says

Let’s be clear eyed and look at the facts

13 months ago she and OM2 breakup and she drops the D

And tells me she is focusing on herself

She does not know if she wants to be married

But she knows she does not want to be divorced right now

We continue to live like roommates in separate bedrooms

Anger directed at me diminishes

She takes more interest in the children and family life

We start acting friendlier towards one another

We talk more and spend more time together

We are getting to know each other more

We are rebuilding a friendship

At some point she resumes wearing her wedding ring

Extreme dieting and exercise end

Physically she looks healthier

And she spends more time at home

We start going on platonic dates

Dates increase in regularity

But sometimes she does not feel like it

And that is okay with me because I do not expect them

We never have R talks

I resume giving her gifts which are important to her

We make love at Christmas

And she moves back into MBR

But does not want to resume regular sexual relations

She opens up to me about her childhood trauma

She takes me there

She starts asking me to do more things for her

She seems less angry at the world but still angry

There are days when she seems unhappy

There are days when she seems happy

She is focused on health

She does not want to age

She does not want to get sick

She does not want to die

There are days she wants my attention

There are days she wants to be left alone

She continues exploring her new religious beliefs

She wants me to accept her new beliefs even if I do not share them

We have never spoken of her OMs

She has never shown any remorse

Any time children even hint at what happened

She shuts them down