It is all so counter-intuitive. My best "logical" view of this is a"vacation" from the marriage.
It is one big test. How do agree with someone you disagree with?
How do you walk away from someone you want to pursue?
How do you leave someone you want to be married to?
I’m not sure how to walk away from someone I love so much. I’m not sure how to leave someone I want to be married to. However, what I am sure about is that I’m praying that God shows me how. Because one thing is for sure...I deserve so much better.
It was a long night of fighting him off.
Him asking can he have just one last hug.
I just can’t.
Then he just can’t undestand how I can cut him off cold turkey.
Then him saying he can’t understand why I won’t just be his friend.
He wants out of the M but he can see why we can’t still hang out and spend time together.
It’s all so exhausting.
Truth is I’ve gotten some great advice here and I need to apply it to my sitch. I’ve thought about things over the last 2 nights and I feel it’s best for me to prepare to move on with my life without my H. I’ve made a list of the remaining projects that need to be competed in our home. It will still take a little time to finish them up but I’m hoping they can be completed as soon as humanly possible.
I’m going back to the L to discuss more what the options are for our house. I’m not sure we will get what we need for it if we sell it this year. He11 we just bought it a year ago. But we will see what the lawyer says.
I’m hoping we can wrap things house wise and other financial obligations this year. Then move on to the D, after the 1st of the year.
So going forward I’m taking lots of the advice here. I’m going to focus on myself and my S. I’m going to hustle hard and make as much money as I can. That way when we are on our own, we will be able to survive. It’s not going to be easy but I’ve been a single parent before. Of course I will get some child support and most likely alimony but I won’t be relying on that money. I need to be able to financially provide for myself.
I have to hustle hard and build my business to where it brings me good income. It’s my dream and I shouldn’t let that go becusse H is all screwed up.
I can stlll have a good life. My new life just won’t include H. But life is a gift and it’s worth living.
I’ve still got a lot to sort out but I’m going to do that one day at a time.
I’m still hurt, angry, frustrated, and disgusted. I’m also scared. But I know God will get me through this.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
