Sorry to hear about the BD and you needing to speak to L on her threats.
Hope you got sound advice on how to best protect yourself (recordings, etc)
I understand how it feels to miss the intimacy. After a while it gets easier to deal with.
Time helps heal and helps to give clarity.
You start to see what they become and realize this is not the person you were attracted to. (This is what helped me to further shift focus off her since I no longer saw her as the mother bear doing anything to protect her cubs)
Hang in there buddy.
Thanks, Adam.
L has been good, very good—she’s not cheap, but so far so good.
I agree with you—it has been getting easier to miss the intimacy from her—though at times I crave it in general, and that causes me to look toward the future and hope for something with someone else down the road. I know that probably makes me sound like a WAS in my own right—the focus needs to be on working on myself and looking out for the boys first and to be my best self for whatever happens.
I’m seeing your last point—about what they become and realize that this is not who I was initially attracted to. This is a good amount of where I’m at with W—just not the same, definitely emotionally and spiritually, but even physically. Sure she kinda looks the same, but she looks different, and I’m just not that attracted to her. I know her body is different because of the pregnancy, and that is part of it, but I think everything else between us over the last couple / few months really makes her less attractive in my eyes.
I told her as much tonight—that I’ve basically had a preview of what things can be like being divorced / separated—from the ILYBINILWY BD to the ‘I wished I loved you enough to want to take care of you,’ to where we are at now—it’s been preparing me.
I do feel that she wants to do right by the kids, but I have also told her a couple of occasions that a D is not necessarily the answer. Her response? She is ‘tired,’ and she’s ‘tried’ and that she’s ‘tried so hard’ and is ‘exhausted.’ I still believe deep down that if she really wanted what is best for the boys, then pursuing a D is not the answer. But I also know that I can’t / won’t convince her of that.
