Thank you Bo and Adam. I appreciate your support. I wish I had all of my feelings sorted out. I know how I want to feel. I know that I want to get past this. I know it is going to take time. I start out each day with forgiveness, peace and love as my goal. I have to be honest in saying that I don’t always get there. When I don’t, I try not to beat myself up but it is tough. I still miss my H and I can’t seem to shake this burning feeling in my chest whenever I let myself feel the loss. Next week it will be five months since BD. In some ways, it feels like a lifetime ago and in other ways, like it happened only yesterday.
My kids head off to their dad’s after school tomorrow and I won’t see them until Monday after school. My son was clinging to me for a bit tonight... telling me that he is going to miss me too much and just wants to stay at home. I was super upbeat and told him that wherever he is, I am still in his heart and he is always in mine and that it is important he gets time with his dad. He seemed to like that answer and found it comforting. I wish I did. Inside my heart was breaking. I hate that my kids have to deal with this...it is hard not to feel like I have failed them.
