I was listening to a talk show today, and someone said they divorced their wife because she cheated 4 times. He said he tried to hold everything together for everybody but himself, and the 4th time was just too much. He was asking about someone he was dating, and the advice was to go into counseling to find out why he chose his Ex and stayed after the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd time before he launched into another R.
So, it got me thinking. Why did I want to give my H a pass the 2nd time and was so desperate to have him want to work on the M? When I knew there was probably 2 or 3 more earlier in our M when the kids where young and we went through a terrible time with his first “soul mate” 8 years ago because she went psycho. Why didn’t I throw him out then and there? At the time I didn’t think it was safe for him as he was suicidal. But was that just an excuse so I didn’t have to face it then? Why do I still stand?
Originally Posted by peacetoday
and while you stand you are not standing still- you create a new life, new friends, new you-new hobbies, activities We take everything we learn with us to recreate our lives for the better-
I think I’m doing this, and like what I am discovering. I am generally moving forward, and over the last 4 or 5 months have learned a lot about my former self…including my contributions to our dysfunctional, low conflict marriage, and a lot about the person I stifled during our marriage. I think this partly keeps me standing, since I get to re-discover myself without the worries of how to make ends meet. My life-style has not really changed, and the bills are paid, so I need to see this as a gift. As they say, time is a gift. I need to remind myself this. And I believe in my vows, and because I never gave H the chance to be free to see if he wants to heal, I feel I owe it to our M. Then I will know, if it doesn’t work out, I truly did everything I could.
But I think it’s time to start thinking a bit about why I was (am still?) wanting to stay with a liar and a cheater. Why was I so frantic and desperate then? I thought, and everyone tells me, I’m a sensible, grounded, smart, strong woman, but they also tell me I’m kind and empathetic. I think it’s this last bit that overshadowed MY needs, wants, and desires for so much of my marriage. I think I need to put some more thought into this, so that no matter what happens, I will never feel that desperation with H or anyone else again.
So, a few GAL activities:
Tomorrow I will be heading out for a short cruise with an old friend from High School that has helped me a lot through this. Her plane can’t come in tonight due to weather, so I hope her flight tomorrow doesn’t make her late! I am getting on that ship with or without her! I so need it. But, of course I’m confident she will make it in plenty of time and I’m looking forward to a marvelously relaxing 4 days!
The dreaded Valentine’s Day is coming up. A new acquaintance called me not to long ago asking if I was divorced. She’s from church. I explained I was separated, but she said she has a Valentine’s Day party every year for about 15 friends (she’s single and I’m assuming they are all single women), and wants me to come. So, my first Valentine’s Day separated, and I have plans! I’m glad.
D19 arrived tonight to spend some time with her friends this weekend, and she will see her dad on Sunday. I’m glad.
Work is good, and mostly rewarding. My faith keeps me uplifted, my boot camp keeps my mind and body sound, and I’m looking into taking a few classes and explore more activities just for me.
