Down But Not Out - Part VI

[Adam04]

DV6,

I believe I know where you are coming from with being genuine in your interactions. Just saying don't beat yourself up thinking you have to forgive so you don't resent. We are all full of emotions. As people say here you don't have to be BFF but you can be friendly with them. For me, it's the emotional control. I commend you for tackling this aspect of it early on. I can't sort out all my feelings and I have a hard time finding the right words. You mentioned your work and talking to others about these sorts of things right? I think this puts you farther down the road so I'm going to get there in my own time.

Talking about resentment, forgiveness, our actions and the optics of what others see. Whether you forgive or resent your WAS, it is important to treat them with respect. You are right , your children will see this, but they won't know your feelings unless you tell them. Also like Nicol said, you can display certain behavior for the kids but don't let that be a green light for someone who is already disrespecting you, they will not see it the same as children. What is that saying to not mistaken your kindness?

I can also understand if things were finite and a final decision was to be at peace and forgive. I made a comment somewhere else about this as if between me and God I'll forgive everyone as I pass. But with children involved and where we may have to reinforce or re-establish boundaries to protect ourselves while still dealing with the WAS, it makes me think about what that forgiveness looks like, especially if they keep pushing their limits and one keeps on forgiving them.

I don't mean to talk you down, I would love to forgive and move on. I think between W and I we have a lot of road to cover before getting to a good spot for that.