Like love is, forgiveness is a choice. With both, you need to put effort into it to make it work. I don't think its a switch I can turn on or turn off. It's part of a process. I think part of loving someone who loves you back requires forgiveness as part of that process.
My LMFT brought something like this up before we closed on Monday.
He talked about how love is a choice, ultimately. Feelings of love are part of the ‘information’ that we use to make decisions, but he reiterated that using feelings to make major life decisions like divorce is not a good idea, to put it mildly.
Originally Posted by Adam04
I yearn for the comfort of my W. I know how this can make someone weak and vulnerable. I choose to stand and its tough and can be lonely. My W will never see this hurt. She will never face it.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I can so relate to this Adam. It is strange that I think of my H as a source of comfort because the reality is that he has not been that for me for a very long time. Once again, my brain and my heart are at odds on this.
I’ve taken some 2x4s on this in my thread that I need to respond to; I go back and forth.
What I need to permanently realize (I’m there at times depending on my mood) is that W has changed, and that I should not rely on her like that. Some days that thought is hard to reconcile; some days it’s really easy. But I’ve noticed that within myself it’s getting easier to not rely on her as much.
