Thanks. I am perfectly clear with other women that I still love my wife.
And yes, I've got male friends as well. But I do treasure my female friends...both existing ones and the ones I am meeting. I don't seek out the latter. We meet quite organically and we hit it off. They say they find my openness refreshing.
Apropos of my earlier post about W's insistence on emotional conformity, it's ironic: when we first started dating, W told me she was attracted to me because I was the most emotionally accessible man she'd ever met. But as I clarified to W during a recent conversation, I don't think she should pick and choose emotional accessibility. I can't be authentic with emotions she finds comfortable and shut down those she finds uncomfortable. And God knows I'm not a mind-reader, nor do I want to squelch my spontaneity by trying to anticipate whether my emotions are one or the other.
The wife of one of my best friends (she is a braniac, public health professional) called estrogen the "patience hormone." When it begins to wane, studies show people are less willing to tolerate what they used to. As our friend Kiro (I miss him and hope he is okay and lurking) said, there is much empirical work to be done on researching mid-life relationships.
So, for me, part of riding the wave is trying to understand W's midlife transitions. I trust and respect her enough to know she is not going through this maliciously.
