Is there a thread on typical timelines/stages of the WW or WAS?
My W has been gone for a week now, seems like she is enjoying her new condo so far and things have been pleasant during our interactions...at what point might reality kick in that she's potentially losing her H and son?
The DR says "Time is an asset even though it may be killing you"...it's only been a week since separation and yes, it's killing me.
I'm positive and happy whenever we interact - might she take this as though I'm ok with everything as it is?
Thank you.
Last edited by jac12; 02/07/1901:43 PM.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Is there a thread on typical timelines/stages of the WW or WAS?
What Cadet said. The only thing we can tell you for sure is the timeline is much, much longer than you expect it to be. It is highly unusual for a WAS to turn around in less than a year. Sometimes in 1-2 years, but even that is not the norm. The norm is for the LBS to wait and wait and wait and then a year later give up, drop the rope and move on, then 6 months to a year after that the WAS has a change of heart. So like Cadet said you've just got to move forward like she isn't coming back.
Is there a thread on typical timelines/stages of the WW or WAS?
What Cadet said. The only thing we can tell you for sure is the timeline is much, much longer than you expect it to be. It is highly unusual for a WAS to turn around in less than a year. Sometimes in 1-2 years, but even that is not the norm. The norm is for the LBS to wait and wait and wait and then a year later give up, drop the rope and move on, then 6 months to a year after that the WAS has a change of heart. So like Cadet said you've just got to move forward like she isn't coming back.
THIS.
And the sooner you move forward like she isn't coming back, drop the rope and truly move on, the sooner she will have her change of heart. Funny how that works, eh?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
My W has been gone for a week now, seems like she is enjoying her new condo so far and things have been pleasant during our interactions...at what point might reality kick in that she's potentially losing her H and son?
Jac what would make her think that is happening? First off she is not going to lose her son. At the most she will lose 50% of her time with him. You would be shocked on how many WW are ok with it.
I want to brace you for the fact that this is most likely going to take years before it plays out. Most likely it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. You are going to have to learn to have infinite patience. There are no shortcuts. The quicker you learn that the better chance you will have of a recon.
Early on you can't make things better but you can and most newbies do make things worse due to impatience.
Is there a thread on typical timelines/stages of the WW or WAS?
What Cadet said. The only thing we can tell you for sure is the timeline is much, much longer than you expect it to be. It is highly unusual for a WAS to turn around in less than a year. Sometimes in 1-2 years, but even that is not the norm. The norm is for the LBS to wait and wait and wait and then a year later give up, drop the rope and move on, then 6 months to a year after that the WAS has a change of heart. So like Cadet said you've just got to move forward like she isn't coming back.
THIS.
And the sooner you move forward like she isn't coming back, drop the rope and truly move on, the sooner she will have her change of heart. Funny how that works, eh?
Thank you all...I do understand. Easier said than done but I will continue to do my best to move forward with my life with my son.
I hope she doesn't keep avoiding her father. She'll regret that forever if he passes and she doesn't spend this time with him.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
My W has been gone for a week now, seems like she is enjoying her new condo so far and things have been pleasant during our interactions...at what point might reality kick in that she's potentially losing her H and son?
Jac what would make her think that is happening? First off she is not going to lose her son. At the most she will lose 50% of her time with him. You would be shocked on how many WW are ok with it.
I want to brace you for the fact that this is most likely going to take years before it plays out. Most likely it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. You are going to have to learn to have infinite patience. There are no shortcuts. The quicker you learn that the better chance you will have of a recon.
Early on you can't make things better but you can and most newbies do make things worse due to impatience.
Well losing 50% of your time with you child is a huge loss. I know that will really make me sad and upset if it ends up there. She does love him to death too but right now he just isn't the biggest priority in her life based on her actions.
I definitely was making things worse in the beginning and driving her further away. The more I told her I loved her and supported her the more she realized she doesn't feel the same right now. My changes in behaviour, while positive as she noted, only made her feel more guilty at the time that nothing has changed for her. She continued to say she doesn't know who she is and she has felt numb since her dad's cancer diagnosis. Our time at home over the past month wasn't exactly the most fun and enjoyable and she said it wasn't helping the situation so she felt it was best to move out and figure herself out.
She knows she needs IC for everything she's dealing with but I think she just feels overwhelmed right now and it's easier for her to escape reality (she has admitted this). Hopefully she moves forward with her IC soon.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Just remember that she has a lot of built up resentment for you, which makes her kinda hate you. When she expresses those feelings, you just validate them, b/c feelings are feelings and not logical. You can't be logical in regards to emotions. Do not validate immoral things she says and do not tolerate disrespect. Those two things will be tremendous in your efforts here.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
