I’m not sure what he means when he says that it’s just not there anymore.
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I Living I am speculating here but I am guessing he means he is not getting the same feeling from the marriage that he go when he had an affair. Affairs are secretive, "exciting" etc they release dopamine. The thing is that feeling doesn't last.
I don’t think he is 100 percent sure what he means by that. So I guess I can’t expect to understand what he means. I take it to mean that he’s bored with this M, he doesn’t have it in him to be a H anymore, he loves me but... He wants to have the freedom to do what he wants and not have to answer to anyone or be held accountable. That’s how I take it. I have no doubt he loved the excitement and secretive behavior of the affair. He wants me to believe that he feels terrible about it (and maybe he does) and that he was relieved when I found out about it because he didn’t have to lie and sneak anymore.
The truth is he is all over the place. He’s bored. He’s tired of the routine of M. He’s tired of the routine of driving the same way home from work each day. He’s unhappy and he’s looking for happiness anywhere he thinks he may find it. He’s bored and in his words lost. He bought a new truck and that made him happy. He’s going on his guys gone wild trip and that will make him happy. We all know that the gratification he will get from the truck and trip will only be temporary. The problem is he doesn’t know that.
He’s on the pursuit of happiness. Problem is he’s too deep in the tunnel to realize that happiness can’t be traveled to, owned, or bought...it comes from within. It’s a feeling of inner peace and gratitude. Until he makes that connection, if he ever does, he wlll remain in pursuit.
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There was a poster on here who ended it with his W after a second affair. The last I read she was still single because dating for her wasn't as exciting as having an affair.
Wow! I’m sure my H will be the same. He’ll be from one relationship to the next.
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The problem is your H's head is too far up his a$$ to see that right now. I would venture to bet he truly believes you will always be there to catch him if this blows up in his face.
True because guess who has been there for him through the good, bad, ups, and downs for the past 13 years. Yeah, ME.
As I said up thread, he’s had to learn a lot of lessons the hard way in life. He is stubborn and doesn’t listen. So I can’t save him, he has to go on his journey and learn for himself.
It’s sort of like with my grown children. Sometimes I try to keep them from making mistakes. I talk to them and I can tell when they aren’t listening. I step back and realize that I have to give them freedom to make their mistakes. Now with my kids they always come back and say mom, you were right. All I do is smile and give them a big hug. With my H he’s like a rebellious teen right now. Nothing I can do but let this dude do him.
I just have to focus on me and my youngest S.
And FYI, he is already in pursuit. He has called and text me several times this morning.
Last edited by Living; 02/07/1903:59 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
