Acceptance / Discipline / DB / LRT / NC / Divorce

[Did]

Yes I want a signed agreement. I want this done. The financial agreement was done after meeting with a lawyer. A mediation attorney. L said I need to pay support, W needs to work. Support can be a verbal agreement in PA where we live. I want it in writing. When I give her the document Im going to tell her I want to make the divorce happen as easily and inexpensively as possible. Neither of us want to go to court. There are ways to just get the paperwork done for $500. Or the mediation is a couple thousand... We are on the same page unless she changes her mind... I dont want her mind to change so I want to get this sht done. The deal is better than anything Id get in court. Kindergarten is a whole nother story. Im going to tour the least expensive private school and look into public.

Just FT with them and shes nice and kind I feel this sense of loss. She has a feminine energy that is attractive to me.
Heaviness in my heart but wishing doesnt change anything. Change is hard and uncomfortable. She has shown she doesnt do hard stuff. But happiness is on the other side of the hard and uncomfrotable stuff. If W were consistent kind loving I would love to love this woman. Big IF. She isnt that way towards me anymore. Maybe she is with other men who have a blank slate. But there is too much resentment and negativity. I refuse to be disrespected. I am a great Fing guy a role model for hundreds of kids, a leader, a successful person, a great dad. I deserve better. If she gets better maybe theres a chance for a round two but. She blames trauma she is stuck in victim mode. Im done apologizing and making her think shes right (this is something new woman pointed out- apologies make the other person believe you're wrong and they're right- enabling her). I cant wait around anymore.

I feel more and more and more my best future is a new direction. Its sad and D4 deserves both parents full time. Shes an amazing little girl. But I feel going back would be moving backwards. Maybe in the future she will stop blaming me for everything. I made mistakes, I take accountability, I admit fault. I've changed, grown and continue to. Tomorrow Ill be better than I am today, next week, next month, next year.

With new woman I feel she is an equal. Someone I could grow with. We have met once so staying grounded... or trying to. After our date she kissed me hard. I was going for a kiss on the cheek to be respectful. She said she never does this her sister couldnt believe it. She has dated real estate moguls, plastic surgeons etc... She is independent and living a life in the space Im interested in. Personal growth, mental health, helping people. We're forced to take it slow because of schedules. She knows my situation. I have been honest about everything. Including physical attraction to W. Honestly I think that's all it is physical + D4s mom.

If anyone is interested I have gotten a lot of positive feedback on my blog.
I am committed to getting my book done and published by 2020. I started a facebook group for people going through separation / divorce / expired relationships. You can read my blog here and contact me if youd like to get in touch off DB. Cheers to everyone going through the struggle. Be strong and trust your intuition even if its not what you want... your best self is on the other side!