Then the kicker.... she goes on to say she's willing to do the work and that things have been getting better. BUT.... she "can't live her life with me bringing it up or thinking it's going on, over and over again. It's over and I need you to believe me." So, in one paragraph she goes from being ready to do the work to just let it go and I need to believe her... Right!??!
Sounds to me the like the affair is fizzling out and now she wants to get back together with you and dictate the terms of the reconciliation. WTF?
B your w has lied to you cheated on you multiple times if you are thinking recon and not on your terms you will most likely be back here again in a few years.
