Steve85. That list is exactly what I'm looking for and more in changes for myself and implementing them. that last list of accolades sounds like through sacrifice and Husbandly Leadership My biggest question though is the transition. That's the part that I'm not understanding. If I'm currently going through an in-house separation where we are dividing everything, from rooms, to space, to finances and schedules, only discussing necessities, and things are kind of isolated to ourselves individually, which in current reality has just become a more closed of more of the same behavior.
what I'm trying to say here is in my household when we would have dinner I would always try to eat at the table with the wife and son, but it would rarely happen because she always had her stuff parked all over the table. she would always eat at the couch play games on her phone and watch reality tv as I'm sure you know my story already. I would always be stuck doing the dishes all the time at 2 in the morning before I would go to work, and she was ever clean up after herself. Of course this led me to be being overly critical of her. she's doing a lot of research about moving to another state and start another life without me.
What I am specifically asking for is, what are some ways that we all here can go about creating opportunities of being at least a better father and a leading example of what a good husband should be and an example of leadership should be in front of their wife when all they want is their space and their escape and exit? How can we go about creating these opportunities without pursuing? I don't mean to hijack jeepdog's post. but I think if you can explain the transition process it would probably be helpful and beneficial to all of us on here. Great post by the way. Jeepdog, I wish you luck in making those changes into a newer better version of yourself.
IH, I really see two questions here.
1 How do I transition from my bad behaviors to my new behaviors (180s).
2. How do I get her to see my changes?
IH, this are typical questions for guys going through sitches like ours. "I want to make change, but we are IHS, or physically separated". We even had one poster last year that was under a TRO and could have no contact with his wife.
1) Is easy. Just do it. Don't do it for her. Or for her to see. Just really take stock and MAKE real changes to be a better person, man, father, husband, partner, son, brother, friend. EVERYTHING. These changes are for you be the best IHCLACS (what does that stand for by the way?) that you can be. It will make you happier! Trust me, that list I published in Jeep's thread, the guy living in the first list was miserable. The guy living the second list is so much happier, fulfilled, and pleased. DO IT FOR YOU.
2) No matter your sitch. IHS. Living in separate houses. Separated by thousands of miles. Or even under a RO. The answer to part to is that whenever you have interactions with her. Whatever the forum. You demostrate #1 to her. This is actually easy too. Because once you transform form old IH to new IH, she will notice whenever you interact.
Quick story I've told here before. Last Feb. my W, who was in the middle of her being a WAW, agreed to go to a faith-based marriage retreat. I didn't ask her to go, in fact I almost pulled the plug on the trip. But it was a couple at church that was going and wanted us to go too. They asked us and to my surprise she said yes. So we were there, it went well except for the Saturday we were there at lunch, she made a comment that sparked an R talk. It was a rough one, but she actually seemed to move closer after the talk. That's not the point. On the way home, we were stopping to grab a bite at a drive-thru. While we were waiting she started to be silly. Old Steve85 would have been annoyed by it, said something passive-aggressive, and shut it down. New Steve85 chuckled, and started to repeat her sillycomment, and laugh a little harder about it. She stopped, turned and look me right in the eye, and said "Who are you?"
If you truly change, she will notice.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
