Moving forward

[Gerda]

Hamburg, I second and third all the comments about your goodness.

I gave my H money for food when he was between jobs until he filed, and he has not helped me financially in any way or given me anything for house or the kids since BD though he lives here. I finally stopped when he filed, it was great to have that excuse to say I couldn't do that anymore "obviously" now that he had filed.

But he still complains to me daily about how poor he is and does not notice that I work many jobs to feed our kids and hold on to our house.

Point is, you can't teach your W a lesson. But you can keep taking care of your kids while their mom is crazy. And you can let them witness your goodness and grace in doing so without weaponizing them.

I always try to search my heart when I am trying to make a decision like this, and ask if my motivation is towards goodness and forgiveness and love for the kids especially, or if there is some vengeance or judgment in it. Usually when I do that, it's clear what I should do.

On a practical level, keep a journal of all the times you had to do that and of anything else. This will help you with custody. I agree with Job about that.

I think you will have to pay for their groceries and clothes many times over. I think every time they see you left groceries, they will feel very loved and taken care of, so focus on that.