Read something from Gerda a few minutes ago that resonated: Wife’s journey is her own, not mine.
For her own happiness, I hope W accepts neither I nor anyone else can respond emotionally to the world according to her expectations. Once she does, it would bring so much freedom to both of us.
So what is your plan if she doesn't accept this?
Originally Posted by paco123
I am ALWAYS accountable for my actions and behavior. On the other hand, emotions are non-negotiable: you have them, you bring awareness to them.
I say this after an evening of W talking about the difficulties her sister was having with their mom, to a point of rudeness.
I have always been kind and gentle with my Mother-In-Law, whom I love dearly and whom I still see regularly. MIL lived with us for more than a year. I cooked for her everyday, drove her around for her errands, and engaged her in conversation. There were times I felt MIL took me for granted, but I never expressed disrespect.
But W demanded more. W wanted a constant flow of warmth and joviality, even during those times I felt I was being taken for granted.
[quote=paco123] If W cannot appreciate the kindness and goodness in my actions; and
if W insists I conform my emotional response to the world to hers; then
it becomes increasingly easier for me to detach and to move on.
I see two ifs and only one then. And the then is an abstract. What ACTION will you take. How are you going to behave that will demand this from her, and have a real consequence if niether if occurs?
I am seeing a boundary here without an activity on your part should that boundary be breached.
Last edited by Steve85; 02/07/1901:28 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
