Hey Sandi and Steve, Im on my lunch break. There is something I would like to run by the board later this evening. For the time being. Who can make the best reccomendation of how I should be interacting with the W? We have officially been seperated in the house for the last week. I am not initiating any relationship talks what so ever from here on out, unless she brings it up. The only thing that gets discussed is finances and child care. She gave me a pat on the arm yesterday and it's how's my day when I came through the door. At her request, we talked over alternating weekiends of who watches our son for the whole weekend. I'm starting to understand the whole detaching process little bit better with love and integrity to myself now thanks to Steve with marital differentiation. Instead of taking things, hurt, and rejection personally. I understand that Sandi said to let my actions speak volumes, not my words. I can be pleasant just as much as she is in our daily interactions, but at what point in how do I start attempting at reconnecting? Someone who is planning their exit strategy of a M probably isn't going to mind so much if I don't discuss anything else with them other than the necessities, and isn't going to have an effect, on them. I understand I have to regain trust with my actions and not my words on a consistent basis. but at some point they are going to have to see everything I missed in the past that I'm changing now, and arouse some form of curiosity? I still think of me pulling away is more of the same behavior to her. who here can recommend a good balance example of the two between pulling away, and being engaged with W in good behavioral demonstration of things missed previously in the relationship?
This morning I read a Reddit forum of mostly women being the WAW, and ingested a totally different perspectice of their frustrations with some of us "men" which is totally understandable. I know I've probably exhibited a lot of these behaviors traits and characteristics somewhat unawaringly. Especially drive, vision, purpose, motivation, organization, and financial security. I realize my spouse has been staging, and researching for the last 8 months on a daily basis on forming a new life, and ways to live differently in another. She is researching her exit strategy. I will post on here later about what I was willing to consider, and having the board review it for discussion with her.
AS gave you some good advice. Sandi often says that you treat her like the cashier at the store. Polite. Engaged. But not overly sharing. Friendly, present, upbeat.
Be careful. While I know there are forums out there for spouses that have blown up their marriages, hardly any of the complaints, short of physical abuse, or severe emotional and mental abuse, excuse going back on vows you took for lifetime. Were you a perfect husband? No. Does that give your W the right to just say "YEah you know those vows we took together? Yeah, I ain't feeling them anymore."
So while I am sure a bunch of WAWs could come up with some plausible sounding reasons why their vows are now meaningless to them, I don't think they really hold much water.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
