Read something from Gerda a few minutes ago that resonated: Wife’s journey is her own, not mine.
For her own happiness, I hope W accepts neither I nor anyone else can respond emotionally to the world according to her expectations. Once she does, it would bring so much freedom to both of us.
I am ALWAYS accountable for my actions and behavior. On the other hand, emotions are non-negotiable: you have them, you bring awareness to them.
I say this after an evening of W talking about the difficulties her sister was having with their mom, to a point of rudeness.
I have always been kind and gentle with my Mother-In-Law, whom I love dearly and whom I still see regularly. MIL lived with us for more than a year. I cooked for her everyday, drove her around for her errands, and engaged her in conversation. There were times I felt MIL took me for granted, but I never expressed disrespect.
But W demanded more. W wanted a constant flow of warmth and joviality, even during those times I felt I was being taken for granted.
If W cannot appreciate the kindness and goodness in my actions; and
if W insists I conform my emotional response to the world to hers; then
it becomes increasingly easier for me to detach and to move on.
